


if I didn't have you

by nightstreet



Category: True Beauty - Yaongyi (Webcomic), 여신강림 | True Beauty (Korea TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and a little smut, Suho pov, addressing suho's mental health because it's so important!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 05:06:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30083901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightstreet/pseuds/nightstreet
Summary: “I’m sorry,” Suho manages to say, his voice soft. “Are you okay?”She’s kind of blubbering, tears streaming out of her eyes and down her cheeks that he’s holding. She sinks down to the ground, her back against the couch legs. “You’re asking if I’m okay?” Jugyeong asks in disbelief, using her sleeves to wipe away at her face. “When it should be me asking if you are okay?”(Lee Suho has never had anyone stay by him through the hard times. Except her. She’s there. She’s always there. And she chooses him, over and over. And he can’t believe it.)
Relationships: Suho Lee/Jugyeong Lim | Im Ju Kyung
Comments: 20
Kudos: 58





	if I didn't have you

The first time he has an anxiety attack in front of Im Jugyeong, it’s when they’re watching a movie. He doesn’t know what comes over him, but there’s a prolonged sound of a flat line as the character on screen is dying.

The sound is commonplace in a lot of movies, but today, it’s going on for _too_ long, it’s so close to his mother’s anniversary of her death, he’s been studying for the CSAT for long hours, that all of a sudden, before he can even comprehend it, he’s clutching his chest and curling up on the ground.

“Lee Suho,” he hears her cry next to him, her voice so desperately concerned, but he can barely hear because his heart feels like it’s going to pound out of his chest.

Suho gasps for air, a combination of feeling like he’s falling through the air but also like he’s going to pass out. He can feel himself trembling, his muscles twitching out of control.

The TV is off now, the sound is gone, but the feeling is not.

But she’s there, she’s holding him, wrapping her arms around him tightly, bringing his head to her chest and he can feel her tears drop on his shoulder and her chest rising up and down in her cries.

There are thoughts racing through his head – memories that he tries to suppress because they make him too emotional, but they’re flooding and filling his mind up and he wants them to stop. Memories of his failures, losing Seyeon, losing his mother, not being chosen by his father, not being chosen ever, feeling alone in the hospital room in America – it’s so much all at once that he _wishes_ he would pass out already.

But he doesn’t. So Suho tries to breathe.

Tries to remember where he is.

He’s in his apartment. Not a hospital room with too many doctors. Not in the US, where he would spend hours staring at a white wall. Not on the rooftop, where he would play Seyeon’s song on repeat until he felt numb.

He’s in his apartment.

He’s watching a movie with his girlfriend.

It’s Im Jugyeong. She’s here. She’ll always be here.

He feels his breathing rate steady a little, his shaking is reducing to just little trembles. He’s now aware that she’s stroking his hair gently, can feel her arms grasping him tightly, can hear her breathing is a little irregular.

It takes a bit more time, but soon the feeling of endlessly falling stops. The memories quiet. When Suho finally looks up at her, Jugyeong looking at him with her tear-filled eyes, strands of hair haphazardly in her face.

Through it all, she’s still possibly the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

Suho reaches up and gently moves her hair out of her eyes, his fingers then moving to brush away the tears on her wet cheeks.

She looks so heartbroken that he feels a pang his chest.

“I’m sorry,” he manages to say, his voice soft. “Are you okay?”

She’s kind of blubbering, tears streaming out of her eyes and down her cheeks that he’s holding. She sinks down to the ground, her back against the couch legs. “You’re asking if I’m okay?” Jugyeong asks in disbelief, using her sleeves to wipe away at her face. “When it should be me asking if you are okay?”

He reaches over to touch her cheek again, gently moving it so he can see her face again. There’s… a lot of snot coming out of her nose.

A chuckle escapes him. “I’m okay,” Suho tells her, resting his hand on her leg between them. “As long as you’re here.”

Jugyeong doesn’t respond right away, looking down instead. She still looks troubled. She raises her sleeve to her nose to wipe it before bringing it back down.

“What are you thinking about?” Suho asks.

She sighs before eventually looking up at him. “You always say that same thing,” she replies.

“Because I mean it,” Suho tells her. He leans over and kisses the top of her forehead. He can’t really explain it, no matter how hard he tries, but just her presence alone brings him more comfort than anything imaginable.

“But I’m not always here,” Jugyeong says with a pout. “When I’m not here – does it happen?”

He’s quiet, unsure of what to say.

“Please don’t lie,” Jugyeong asks, her brown eyes insistent.

“It doesn’t happen often,” Suho promises. And it’s true. The anxiety attacks are intense when they happen, he doesn’t really know they will hit him, but he knows that they are usually far in between.

“But it does happen,” she says, her voice small.

The last thing he wants is for her to worry. For her to cry. But he can’t lie to her, so he gives her the tiniest nod.

She immediately falls into his arms again, wrapping her arms around his sides and bringing herself closer to him. “Suho,” she wails, sniffling again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Stop saying sorry,” Jugyeong demands, tightening her grip around him.

He kisses the top of her head again. “Okay,” he says, simply.

She looks up at him again. “Please tell me if it ever happens again, okay?”

“Okay,” Suho promises. “Hey, don’t cry anymore,” he tries to soothe her, rubbing her back. “I’m really okay.”

Despite this, he can still feel her tears staining his shirt again. He wonders if his worrier of a girlfriend will ever run out of tears.

But either way, he loves her.

-

Correction from earlier -- _drunk_ Jugyeong is possibly the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

“ _Jagiya_ , you’re here,” Jugyeong whines, throwing her arms around him the minute he steps outside the car. Her sudden surprise weight on him causes him to stumble a little, but he stabilizes himself, standing up straight and grabbing onto her shoulders to stop her from falling.

“I’m here,” he says, a goofy smile on his face. After making sure she’s steady, he looks over at Soo-ah, who also looks reasonably tipsy but definitely not as wasted as his girlfriend.

“I’ll take you home,” Suho says to Soo-ah.

“No! Choi Soo-ah is staying with _me_ tonight!” Jugyeong exclaims, her eyes half-closed, slapping Suho on the arm. “You can take us both back to _my house!_ ”

Suho looks at Soo-ah for confirmation and she nods. “That’s the plan,” the short-haired girl says with a smile and a thumbs up.

After making sure everyone has gotten into his car safely, Suho begins to drive.

“There were some _really_ cute boys at the bar,” Jugyeong declares from the passenger seat, slurring her words a little.

Suho looks over at her, amused. He doesn’t feel jealous in the way that he used to, not like back in high school, but he does feel a hint of protectiveness over her. Especially tonight, when his girlfriend looks so beautiful with her curled hair and is wearing a tight dress that’s showing off her long legs.

“Uh huh,” Suho says, trying to sound nonchalant. Instinctively, he reaches over and rests his hand comfortably on her thigh.

“Yup,” she says, pulling down the sunshade and checking her makeup in the mirror. “Really cute. Like they could be idols cute.”

He can hear Soo-ah in the back stifle her giggles in response.

“Really?” he says, playing along. He looks at the rearview mirror at the girl sitting in the back, who looks embarrassed. “Is that true Choi Soo-ah?”

“It is,” she pipes up.

His attention is drawn back to his girlfriend next to him as she snaps the sunshade closed and leans closer to his ear. “Can I tell you a secret though, Lee Suho?”

“Yes,” Suho hums.

“You’re still the cutest one,” Jugyeong whispers – but it’s loud enough for everyone in the car to hear. His heart jumps and he already feels his ears turning red – she makes him feel like a little kid again, butterflies and all. He can’t help the smile on his face.

“Gross, guys, I’m right here,” Soo-ah complains from the back seat.

Jugyeong giggles, leaning back in her seat. “Sorry Soo-ah,” she blushes. “Oh! Soo-ah got hit on by a _lot of the boys today._ She even gave one her number!”

“Jugyeong!” Soo-ah reprimands.

Suho chuckles in response. He’s already imagining Taehoon’s response, though he’s quite immune to Taehoon’s complaints about his and Soo-ah’s on-and-off relationship.

“Listen, Soo-ah!” Jugyeong whips her head around to her in the backseat, almost like a school teacher giving a lesson. “Suho and Taehoon are friends – I _have_ to tell Suho so he can make sure Taehoon finds out,” Jugyeong explains before turning back to face front.

“Make sure he finds out okay?” she pokes Suho on the side of the arm. “And then report back to me if he gets jealous!”

Soo-ah is spluttering in the background. “Lee Suho-- you don’t need to do that.”

To his side, Jugyeong cuts the conversation short by groaning. “Ugh, I feel _so_ nauseous!” she exclaims.

A concerned look immediately crosses Suho’s face. “Do you need me to pull over?” he asks immediately, reaching forward and turning on the air conditioning, hoping the air circulation will help alleviate her symptoms.

“It’s okay,” Jugyeong slurs. “I’ll just lie down,” she says, cranking the chair backward and immediately gets comfortable.

“Mmmm, so comfy,” she mumbles, snuggling down in the seat. “ _Imm’a sleep, mmmkay?”_

“Okay,” Suho says with a small smile, giving her leg a gentle squeeze.

Only seconds later, Jugyeong is already asleep.

Soo-ah lets out a drunken giggle. “My Im Ju can fall asleep anywhere.”

The rest of the car ride is a little awkward. Suho hasn’t really ever been good at making small talk and Soo-ah doesn’t really try to start a conversation. He can feel Jugyeong in the back of his mind encouraging him to speak – telling him that he comes off a little cold and he should try to change it.

He clears his throat after a few minutes, feeling a little uncomfortable. “Do you still have feelings for him?” Suho asks, finally.

“What, who?” Soo-ah looks up from her phone in surprise. “Taehoon?” she chuckles nervously. “What? No, I— I.. don’t.”

She doesn’t sound convincing. “Why?” she asks. “Does he still have feelings for me?”

He can hear hope in her voice. He’s been there before. He understands.

As they arrive at Jugyeong’s house, Suho puts the car in park. “Do I need to answer that?” he replies, turning around.

Soo-ah is silent but he can see the smile on her face.

“If you do still like him, don’t waste more time,” Suho says, a sigh escaping him, his voice regretful. “Don’t do what I did.”

He looks at a sleeping Jugyeong with love and sadness. He opens his car door to come around to the passenger side.

“She forgives you, you know,” Soo-ah says after slipping out of the car.

He’s picking Jugyeong up, she’s light and feels right in his arms. She lets out a small snore that makes him smile.

“I know,” Suho says.

And he does know – because she’s the kindest person, most forgiving person he’s ever met.

But he’ll still spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to her.

-

Suho has a second anxiety attack in front of everyone at a BBQ Taehoon is hosting in the beginning of summer.

It’s absolutely mortifying for him as he’s losing control and everyone is watching – but it’s okay, because she’s there. She’s there and she chooses him, over and over. And he can’t believe it.

She brings him back down to earth, comforts him, encourages him in a way that no one else can. She makes him better.

He falls asleep on Taehoon’s couch after the attack because it just took so much out of him. And he dreams of her.

The way she smiles so big that her gums show. The way she giggles and looks away when she gets shy. The look of focus and crinkle between her eyebrows when she’s practicing her makeup skills on him. Her passion when she’s telling him about her new projects in her career. Her quirky side, like when she does ridiculous things to cheer him up. The way she cares about her family.

She’s his everything.

When Suho wakes up from his nap and looks up, he sees Seojun watching him with these eyes. “You’re finally awake,” Seojun says, his voice sounding annoyed though his concerned eyes tell a different story.

Suho gets up immediately and looks around the room.

Seojun snorts in response. “Calm down, your girlfriend just went to the bathroom and asked me to watch you,” he says with an eye roll. “Didn’t think I’d spend my time watching over a _grown man_ , but here I am.”

Suho rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile on his face. “Thank you,” he says.

“Whatever,” Seojun retorts back, looking away, almost uncomfortable at the exchange. He clears his throat. “How… are you feeling though?”

Suho looks down at his hands, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden as the memories of earlier in the day are flooding back to him. “Fine,” he responds.

There’s an awkward pause.

“Seojun—” Suho starts to say at the same time as Seojun begins to speak.

They both stop in their tracks. “You go first,” Suho says.

Seojun looks conflicted, hurt almost. Suho realizes he’s never really seen this level of vulnerability on his best friend’s face, not since before Seyeon – and it’s new to him.

“You know… if you need anything, you can come to me, right?” Seojun’s voice sounds strained, but genuine.

Suho feels a pang in his chest because he’s reminded of the times where he did really miss having Seojun as a best friend. Even though it’s not their friendship now is not the same as it was before – it’s almost better, somehow.

“Yeah?” Suho replies, eyes lighting up.

Seojun coughs, awkwardly. “Yeah.”

“So, you’re saying that if I want to beat someone in jiujitsu, you’ll come right?” Suho teases, his tone lighthearted, calling back to their last match on the mat.

Seojun immediately narrows his eyes. “Ya! You got lucky that time,” Seojun crosses his arms over his chest. “I’ll win next time.”

“Sure,” Suho snorts in response, his competitive side coming out. 

“I will,” he answers back, a cold edge to his voice though the banter between them is clearly lighthearted. “Let’s make a bet.”

And just like that, everything feels okay again.

-

He and Sujin happen to attend the same cram session one night for the CSAT. She’s always been good at math, so he’s surprised to see her there. She has the same look on her face when she sees him.

They’re… kind of friends now, he thinks?

There’s an empty seat next to her that she gestures for him to take, quickly eliminating any conflict in his head about whether or not he should sit with her.

Suho notices that Sujin has a different air around her now, almost like she’s stopped carrying around a heavy load on her shoulders. She looks lighter, happier. It makes him happy to see after what she had gone through in the past.

After the cram session, she asks him to get a drink with her.

“Who would have thought we would both be studying for this exam now?” Sujin says, a slight laugh escaping her once they’re seated at the bar.

The corners of his lips turn up slightly. “I think vice-principal had to have been disappointed to know that his top students didn’t go to college right after high school.”

Sujin rolls her eyes. “You mean disappointed in _you_ ,” Sujin says with a scoff. “He didn’t give two cents about me.”

“What about when you got the top score in the Seoul Math Competition?” Suho retorts, taking a sip of his beer and raising his eyebrows. “He didn’t stop bragging about you for weeks.”

Sujin smiles, reminiscing. “Only because you skipped out on it,” she points out. She takes a swig of her beer in response.

“You would have gotten the top score anyway,” Suho offers.

“Liar,” Sujin replies, narrowing her eyes. “You were always better at math. And at everything.”

Suho tries to shake his head in response, but she’s already waving her hand as if to move on.

“I mean, whatever, at least it got my dad off my back for a few weeks,” Sujin says, looking down at the table.

Guilt consumes Suho immediately. Despite Sujin’s actions in the past, he always did have a soft spot for her because of what they had been through together. He always wanted to help. It just didn’t end up working out that way.

There’s an awkward silence.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have—” Sujin starts to say, but Suho cuts her off.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person for you when we were younger,” he tells her.

She looks surprised, her eyes lighting up. He notices she’s playing with her fingers.

“It’s okay,” Sujin finally says, making eye contact with him. “I was a really terrible person back then. I shouldn’t have tried to drive you and Jugyeong apart.”

He pauses, looking down at her hands which haven’t stopped fidgeting. “Just because you did a bad thing doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”

She looks surprised again, with a hint of confusion. “You’re so much nicer now.”

Suho raises his eyebrows, a slight smile on his face. “Am I?”

“Yeah… and you’re smiling now,” Sujin says, giving him a slight grimace. “It’s so weird. I can’t get used to it.”

Suho rolls his eyes, though his smile doesn’t fade. He takes another sip of his beer before speaking. “So now it’s a crime to smile.”

“Only because it’s you,” she remarks. “Where is the icy cold Lee Suho that I knew before?”

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t have to, because he’s sure she already knows the reason.

-

The hardest thing about studying for the CSAT for Lee Suho is not the material, really – it’s Im Jugyeong distracting him. She’s honestly the most tempting person he’s ever met – but he has to stay focused because he doesn’t want to have to retake the test in another year.

They often study in his music room because his computer is there and when he moves his production set-up, there’s a space on the desk next to him for her to work on her homework or her projects.

Today though, he can tell she doesn’t have much to do, so she’s just hanging around next to him, with an open notebook in front of her with nothing written.

“I thought you had a project to work on,” Suho says, glancing over at her. She’s laying her head on the desk and watching him adorably.

“The deadline just got pushed back,” she tells him with a smile.

“Shouldn’t you still get started on it?” he asks.

She sticks her tongue out. “Hmph, no, not all of us are as studious as God Suho,” Jugyeong says with a pout.

Suho’s studious side urges him to encourage Jugyeong to not procrastinate but he bites his lip to keep from speaking.

“Don’t worry,” she tells him, almost like she’s reading his thoughts. “I’ll start soon. I’m just waiting for my partner to send me her section first.”

Suho smiles at her. “I just have one more chapter to finish,” he tells her. “Then we can watch the movie, okay?”

“Okay,” she says. “Take your time.”

Despite her obvious attempts at sounding patient, he can hear the pout in her voice.

He gets an idea. 

“Come sit with me,” Suho says suddenly, his eyes lighting up, opening his arms up for her.

He can see her face turn pink. “It’s okay,” she tells him, now avoiding his eyes. “I can just—"

“Im Jugyeong,” Suho says, firmly. “Can’t I hold you for a little?”

His arms are still open for her. Jugyeong looks a little conflicted before finally giving in, finding a comfort spot in her lap. Suho wraps his arms around her waist, resting his chin on the top of her shoulder. She rests her back against his chest. She’s so warm and comfortable is all he thinks.

He sighs in contentment.

“You should get back to work,” she says after a moment.

“Okay, I will,” Suho says. She starts to get up, but he’s holding her tightly.

“Lee Suho,” she says, with a question. The confused look on her face melts his heart.

“Stay,” he demands with a cheeky grin. He looks at her with a boyish look in his eyes. “I don’t have much left. Can you stay here while I finish?”

Jugyeong pauses. “Aren’t I heavy?”

“Not at all,” he says, reaching to pick up the highlighter on the table from around her waist.

He does actually begin working with her on his lap, his eyes fixated on the words on the page, his brows crinkled in concentration. She snuggles into him, beginning to scroll on her phone.

After a few moments of reading through Korean History, he feels her move against him, rocking herself against him. There’s a hint of a smile on his face at her teasing.

Jugyeong puts her phone down and does it again. He tries not to look at her, still trying to focus on the words, though they seem much less interesting now.

He feels her fingers teasingly reach down behind her to his jeans.

Suho’s resolve immediately dissipates.

He drops his pen. “Im Jugyeong, you’re going to kill me,” Suho mumbles in her ear before he starts kissing down the back of her neck. His hands are now under her hoodie, running up and down her side, her smooth skin under his fingertips.

His hands come up to cup her breasts, which to his surprise, are not covered by any fabric. “No bra?” Suho murmurs in surprise, against her shoulder.

“I didn’t think I needed one today,” Jugyeong says, her face flushing.

She makes him feel a little crazy.

“I like it,” he tells her, and then he’s picking her up by the waist, turning her around, and finally kissing her.

They’re kissing frantically now, heat between them as she’s parting her lips and they’re deepening the kiss with their tongues, messy and hot. When she grinds against him, he moans in response, grasping her hips and encouraging her movements against him.

She’s moaning now too, closing her eyes in pleasure and breaking the kiss by tilting her head back. Suho takes this opportunity to kiss down her neck again, as his hands come up under her shirt again.

They’re wearing too many clothes, he thinks, but as he does, she’s reaching under her and pulling her hoodie off in one quick movement.

“You’re amazing,” Suho groans.

As quickly as it began, their clothes are on a pile on the floor, and she’s climbing into his lap. All he can think is that she’s perfect and she’s all his.

Jugyeong takes him in slowly, a whimper escaping her as she consumes him completely. The pleasure is incomparable, he feels almost drunk off her body, her warmth, her softness around him. She begins moving, riding him in the chair in a fast motion. Her moaning his name, her heavy breathing, everything about her is almost too much, too good.

Jugyeong suddenly rotates her hips slightly in a movement so sudden that it makes him reach out to grab her, stopping her quickly before it’s too late.

“Jugyeong-ah,” he murmurs, sounding strained. “Not too fast. I—”

Headstrong as always, she doesn’t listen, continuing to move even faster as he captures her lips on his and tries to hang on to make it last.

Finally, when he feels her come, he holds her tight and finally lets himself join her in bliss.

-

On a typical week, Suho sees his therapist on Tuesday afternoons. Dr. Moon is in his late 30s, a young doctor that he feels that he’s really gotten to connect with after the past few months. Though Suho found it difficult to open up in the beginning, he now finds comfort in every Tuesday, just being able to have someone to talk to without the fear of worrying anyone else in his life.

Usually, they talk about how the week has been going. His relationships. The feelings he usually suppresses. And Dr. Moon seems to understand him completely.

This week is different though because it’s the Tuesday before the College Scholastic Ability test.

Which is in, Suho looks anxiously at the date on his phone, two days.

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” Suho finally admits halfway through the session. He grabs the water bottle of the table and takes a big gulp. “I’ve done tons of these tests before, plus a million math competitions. And I never got nervous. Not like this.”

Dr. Moon raises his eyebrows and leans forward. “You said before that in the past, when you did well in school, it didn’t really matter to you. Even though you were the top of the class.”

Suho gives him a small nod.

“I think you’re feeling more nervous now,” Dr. Moon starts. “Because this is something you really care about.”

“Maybe,” he says, capping the water bottle and placing it back on the table. “I am really serious about pursuing music production.”

“That’s good,” Dr. Moon replies, leaning back on his chair and watching him carefully. “Is there anything else that you feel that’s different than before?”

Suho pauses for a moment to think before speaking. “There are people now that want me to do well.”

Dr. Moon is giving him a smile. “Can you tell me who?”

Suho looks at the clock behind Dr. Moon’s head, feeling like the ticking time is counting down to his anxiety. “Im Jugyeong,” he says. “Jugyeong’s family. Han Seojun. Yoo Taehoon. Kang Sujin. She’s the one that’s taking it with me.” He pauses for a moment. “My dad.”

All of a sudden, like he’s hit by a train, he feels like crying. There are tears are prickling up the sides of his eyes, burning, threatening to fall. The feeling is so overwhelming.

Dr. Moon pushes a tissue box towards him across the table. Suho’s face flushes in response, ears turning red, feeling embarrassed immediately. “I don’t know why I’m--”

Without even realizing, he’s breaking down, tears falling down his cheeks, his breathing getting heavy and jagged.

Dr. Moon doesn’t speak, allowing Suho to fully feel his emotions.

He’s sobbing now, slightly confused at this sudden feeling in his heart. He can’t pinpoint it, but it’s not a sad cry, not really. It’s not a happy cry either. It’s somewhere in the middle. Some kind of bittersweet.

At the end of the session, Suho thanks Dr. Moon as always. “I’m sorry for crying,” Suho adds, looking away.

Dr. Moon smiles in response. “You don’t have to apologize for not suppressing your emotions,” he says.

On the drive home, he thinks he finally realizes why he cried.

It’s been years in the making, after years of trauma and sadness, but he finally feels it.

He’s no longer alone.

-

On the morning of CSAT, he receives a call from his dad wishing him good luck. He gets text messages from Han Seojun, Yoo Taehoon, and Im Juyoung.

“Mom, I’m going to make you proud today,” he says to the picture of his mother and him on the counter. He packs up his snacks, his water, his bag for the eight-hour test and heads out.

Jugyeong facetimes him as he parks his car.

“Lee Suho, fighting!!” she says with that bright smile that he loves. “I’m sorry I can’t see you right after. But I’ll treat you to a really nice dinner!”

“It’s okay,” he tells her, but he’s feeling a little nauseous from the nervousness. “I’ll see you tonight. Have a good day at work.”

“Are you feeling good or bad?” Jugyeong asks, shooting him a thumbs up and a thumbs down, her voice peppy.

Suho takes a deep breath. “Good,” he says, giving her a thumbs up.

She smiles in delight, sending him a finger heart in her cute Jugyeong-type way. “Good! Good luck. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Suho replies. After hanging up the phone, he heads out of the car, a renewed sense of confidence filling his veins.

He waves at Kang Sujin who luckily is placed in the same room as him. She shoots him a thumbs up, which he reciprocates.

After what feels like a long, grueling eight long hours, Suho finally steps out of the testing room, feeling both relieved and exhausted at the same time. As he packs up his things and files out, he heads out towards the parking lot, about to turn on his phone to call Jugyeong to let her know that he’s done.

But when he looks up, she’s already there. “Lee Suho!” Jugyeong exclaims, running toward him and engulfing him in a tight hug. “Congratulations!”

His heart has never felt so full seeing her. “Im Jugyeong, you’re here,” he replies, elated. “I thought you had work.”

She giggles. “I made sure I would get off early today,” Jugyeong says.

She’s about to break their hug when he brings her in tighter, not wanting to let her go.

“Ya! This is embarrassing, everyone will see,” she scolds him.

He pulls away, looking surprised. “Everyone?”

That bright smile spreads across Jugyeong’s face again. “Yeah!”

When he looks behind her, he sees that his car is decorated – banners strewn across the window, congratulations written across the glass in glass paint. Large pictures of his face and Kang Sujin’s face are taped haphazardly on the door and there are golden balloons that spell out their initials, SL and SK.

Standing in the front of the car are their friends – Han Seojun with his classic scoff and Yoo Taehoon and Choi Soo-ah hand-in-hand.

“Congrats God Suho!” Taehoon exclaims with a high five.

“Congrats man,” Han Seojun says, his grimace from him and Jugyeong’s PDA morphing into a genuine smile on his face.

“Where’s Kang Sujin?” he asks.

Suho shoots him a knowing look, a smirk on his face. “Why do you want to know?”

Seojun narrows his eyes, defensively. “Ya! Cause this cake isn’t just for you!”

Suho’s about to tease him more before Jugyeong shouts next to him.

“Oh, there she is!” she exclaims, pointing towards the top of the stairs that Sujin is descending from. Her eyes light up as she runs up with Soo-ah to also congratulate their friend, an excited hop in her step.

Suho leans back on his car with a smile, watching as everyone showers Sujin with the same love that he has just received and giving her his congratulations as well.

While everyone’s distracted with Sujin’s arrival, Suho puts his arm around Jugyeong, pulling her close to him and kissing the top of her head.

He’s never felt happier.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!! Sorry, it's been a while, school has gotten very overwhelming recently so I haven't had the time to write. I hope that some of you are still here and around and still loving True Beauty.
> 
> This is in the same universe as my other fic closure, but you don't need to have read that one. :) I really wanted to dig in a little deeper in a Suho POV and to touch on the mental health aspects that the drama didn't have time to. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> P.S. Title is inspired by "If I Didn't Have You" by Banners; Dr. Moon is a shout-out to Moon Gang-Tae from the drama It's Okay To Not Be Okay :)
> 
> (tumblr: night--street)


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